My roommate is in their early 30s, but they have overbearing parents who will drop in short-notice. Their dad is the main offender.
This has happened a few times while my roommate wasn’t home, and I’ve answered the door in most cases. Only time I didn’t was when I was exhausted due to medication withdrawal, which they got irritated with me for.
The dad hasn’t been "rude" to me, per-se, but he’s always grumpy and kind of passive-aggressive. He seems to get frustrated by me just not knowing where my roommate is at all times.
He showed up today at around 10:00am and kept ringing the doorbell for maybe 15mns. My roommate *was* home this time, but they were irritated with me for not answering because they were "out late and too tired to deal with it" themselves.
I had tried calling to wake them up because all our doors are loud af, so if I had left my room the dad would have known someone was inside and just not answering. Roommate’s phone was dead.
I feel like it’s not really fair for me to have my mornings randomly interrupted by some cranky Boomer just because my roommate isn’t communicating with him.
I can’t tell the dad to fuck off because he’s helping with the mortgage while my roommate (who owns the house) is looking for a fulltime job. So, that’s not an option.
AITAH?
**Edit:** To clarify: I just moved in recently and will be paying rent effective next month after my new job starts. I’ll also be covering more than the roommate currently does.
**This isn’t a mooching situation.** There are issues with the house that have made it extremely difficult for them to find a tenant, but I agreed to stay because they’re allowing me to pause paying until my income starts up again.
I’m doing both them and the dad a favor here because some of the house problems could land them in hot water if a tenant were to make a legal complaint. I’m the only way they’re getting help with the mortgage any time soon.
And yes, I’m planning on leaving when I can.
**Final Edit:** I’m turning notifications for this post off. I think I’ve pretty much gotten the full spectrum of opinions on this and I’m tired of answering questions that are already addressed in the OP.
I appreciate the folks who actually read before responding. Shine on. ✨
NTA and not your job to deal with his dad, but next time you do encounter his dad and don’t know where your roommate is – “Sir, I know you are looking for him and I don’t know where he is, but in the future please note that it’s not my job to keep tabs on him and won’t always know where he is.”
NTA
He’s mad at you because you didn’t let his dad in? No problem, he’s let you know what he wants for next time.
From now on, let his dad in immediately and tell him that friend is in his room. Friend can deal with his dad himself.
Also, if you know where friend is when his dad is looking for him, go ahead and tell him where to find him.
With luck you’ll never have to deal with his parents ever again. Let him do it.
This is very strange. NTA but I don’t understand what ya’ll are doing when he’s ringing the doorbell for 15 min. You just lay in bed and hope he goes away? You should let him in and show him directly to your roommate’s room. If it’s their house, you should probably just find another place to live.
Yeah, I’m planning on looking for another spot after I start my new job at the end of the year.
For now I’ve just been ignoring him until he concludes no one is home and leaves.
The reason why I don’t let him in is because my roommate panics if he enters the house without them letting him, which is another annoying thing about this situation.
NTA. However with the fact that rooomy is out partying and not getting a job, and their parents are paying the mortgage…. I would be looking for a new place to stay.
Roomy is irresponsible and conflict avoidant. Therefor they aren’t going to change any time soon.
You blame the boomer dad, but you probably don’t know the full extent of the agreement in place.
Banging on the door for 15 minutes, roomy is home and ignoring. I would go open the door and say “they are in their room”.
No it is not your job to know where your roommate is. But you withholding information, such as knowing roomy is there and avoiding, does not help the situation.
Yeah, I’m planning on looking for another spot after I start my new job. This is one of the many things I’ve been very annoyed by.
It sucks because this is a really great deal for a really great location, but my roommate is starting to drive me up the wall and doesn’t handle feedback very well.
I’m just curious since you haven’t addressed this piece – is there a reason why you didn’t, or wouldn’t, just answer the door and tell the Dad the roomie’s in their room, and then go about your business? I’m conflict-avoidant so I don’t know if I’d do that myself, maybe it would make living with them more difficult? But then you’d be done with it at the time anyway.
The roommate has a not-great relationship with their parents and panics if they enter the house without them being the ones to let them in.
Unfortunately, there are some things I just have to deal with until I find another spot. Not answering the door just irritated them, but they’d probably freak out if I let their parents in.
So what they want is, if they’re not in the mood, for you to go to the door and make their dad go away? Yeah that’s definitely not fair. The only thing I really don’t understand here is why on earth they would be mad at you for avoiding it just like they are. NTA btw! I wish you luck 🍀
NTA, but time to look for a new living situation
NTA. Why would you be the one to let in your roommate’s dad when the roommate is home? This is their problem to deal with.
Nope NTA – You’re not responsible for letting your roommate’s parents in. That’s their job. If they can’t be bothered, the parents can come back at another time.
NTA. Your roommate’s dad showing up like he’s doing random inspections isn’t your responsibility. If your roommate doesn’t want to deal with him, that’s their problem, not yours. You’re not the household receptionist
NTA a your roommate and the dad are the AH’s here. You are not responsible for their inability to interact.
But crucial info in the last paragraph. Look for a new place to live.